A drama exploring Jane Austen’s non-event of a love life was never going to be a thrill-a-minute action extravaganza, but there were many moments during Miss Austen Regrets when I was desperate for something, anything, to happen. Even Austen’s death occurred off screen.
So it wasn’t a romantic death after all. The tragic suicide of an apparently brilliant young poet, investigated in Chatterton - The Allington Solution, was just a simple case of the pox.
Although reality TV shows can offer trained musical performers a platform to launch their careers, contestants with little training are unlikely to gain adequate skills and stamina from the experience, suggests Matthew Hemley
The late and much lamented Humphrey Lyttelton was infamous for his deadpan delivery of smutty innuendoes on Radio 4’s I’m Sorry I Haven’t a Clue. Most of them featured the antics of the show’s fictitious scorer, the glamorous Samantha. Here are Tabard’s favourite Lyttelton offerings:
Gone with the Wind’s opening proved to be something of an unmitigated disaster last week, leading to some of the most scathing reviews in recent memory.
I am a big fan of BBC4, but too often the channel’s output just resembles Radio 4 with pictures. For example, this week Inside the Medieval Mind explored sex, sexuality and romance in the Middle Ages and jolly interesting it was, too. But I could have happily done without the overuse of the out of focus and wobbly camera pointed up at the cathedral ceiling. Perhaps the device was intended to represent the giddy confusion caused by the collision of Christian theology and secular sensuality, but the effect it had on me was pure annoyance with a hint of nausea.
It is the late seventies and British film director Harold Baim is looking for the perfect voice to narrate a trio of travelogues celebrating all that is positive about Birmingham, Aberdeen and Portsmouth. So who does he plump for? American film and TV star Telly Savalas.
Did you know that Heather Mills has only got one leg? No, nor me! So a big thank you to cutting-edge comedy Headcases for bringing the news to the nation’s collective attention.
Meanwhile, maybe Helen would like to spare a thought for fellow impressionist/lookalike Drew Cameron, who recently suffered a rather nasty accident.
There was a time when you would get the Queen down to name your new ship, or, if Her Majesty was otherwise engaged, perhaps another member of the royal family.
No wonder there’s so little stimulating, original writing on television these days - most of the dramatic effort goes into spin, presentation and rows that can wreck careers while hinging on the definition of one word. The documentary maker Paul Watson, whose career stretches back to The Family in 1974, became embroiled in controversy last summer over whether ITV’s Love’s Farewell actually showed the death of Alzheimer’s sufferer Malcolm Pointon, or not.
Who’s safe in Coronation Street at the moment? I don’t mean from diddy David Platt, Public Enemy Number 1 (that’s his criminal ranking not his height in metres) or Weatherfield’s new eminence gris, ragman turned property developer Tony Gordon, or even - Flee, flee for the hills! - from the unrealised desires of the unhappy (and clearly unsatisfied) Liz McDonald, all molten and ready to blow like Vesuvius in a slow but scorching burn.
The very notion of Chinese hip hop would surely get fans of the hard core, American version having a good laugh under their hoodies. But, to the young generations from the likes of Beijing, their take on street music provides just as valuable an outlet for creative expression as the street gangs in LA - or Peckham.
Meanwhile, Tabard was pondering on the nature of all things offensive and for some reason Ben Elton popped into our minds.
Diana The Musical. It was never going to be popular with the chattering classes.
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