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Robinson Crusoe and the Caribbean Pirates review at the Cliffs Pavilion, Southend – ‘high-concept but hollow’

There is plenty of spectacle but little substance to this colourful version of Robinson Crusoe from panto-producing powerhouse Qdos Entertainment.

Entering the auditorium, we are treated to Chris Winn’s charming lighting effects – shoals of fish and clouds of jellyfish drifting across an illuminated treasure map. Then the curtain rises, and the charm evaporates into swagger, strobe lights, and pillars of flame.

Director Kathryn Rooney drives her cast snappily through a jumbled plot featuring singsongs, an impressively malevolent sea monster, and crisp-as-clockwork slapstick routines.

Brian Conley dominates proceedings as Crusoe. Bellowing and leering, he superimposes himself on every scene, earning a lot of goodwill early on with a perfect pratfall into the orchestra pit.

The humour is thoroughly crass, crude and vaguely mean spirited. At one point Conley sticks his finger through his flies – a playground joke marginally improved by the inventive use of a fiddle bow. At another, he spits mouthfuls of half chewed food into love interest Suzy Bastone’s face.

TV stylist Gok Wan is natural and confident as the Spirit of the Ocean, a cheerful presence who raises the tone significantly. His short song about the hard work involved in ‘engineering happy endings’ is one of the show’s highlights.

Kurt Kansley shines in his brief appearance as Friday – here imagined as a tribal chief ruling over an island populated by Mardi Gras dancers. Their lavishly plumed costumes in green and yellow lend some suitably tropical warmth to a production that otherwise feels a little cold.

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Hollow, high-concept romp kept afloat by striking visuals and a strong supporting cast

Production Information

Robinson Crusoe & the Caribbean Pirates
Cliffs Pavilion
December 10, 2016
January 8, 2017
Press night
December 13, 2016
Michael Harrison and Brian Conley
Kathryn Rooney
Musical director
David Lane
Elliot Nixon
Ian Westbrook – 3D Creations
Chris Winn
Graham Simpson
Gary Hind (musical supervisor), Karl Magee (fight director), Michael Harrison (executive producer)
Stage manager
Gareth Hopwood
Production manager
Paul Seed
Cast includes
Suzy Bastone, Alex Bourne, Brian Conley, Alexander Delamere, Kurt Kansley, David Robbins, Gok Wan
Qdos Entertainment
Running time
2hrs 10mins