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Diary: Peppa spray needed as tots tear it up to ’toon tune

Artist impression of the incident
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Tabard knew audience behaviour was on a downward spiral, but news this week showed how terrible things have got. Shockingly so. Tabard isn’t even sure he can bring himself to talk about it. But here goes…

The incident in question was during a performance of Peppa Pig – My First Concert, at London’s Southbank Centre. According to a report in the Sun (meaning it must be true), security concerns were raised after children in the audience stormed the stage.

Outrageous! Where were the ushers when all this was unfolding? Was no one on hand to wrestle the little tykes to the ground and restrain them? And what were the parents doing? Cheering them on, no doubt.

According to the newspaper: “One tactful toddler managed to slip by and hug the popular cartoon hog.” Bloody toddlers. They won’t stop at anything, will they? Tabard has long thought security needs to be beefed (or in this case baconed?) up in theatres, and this proves it.

Apparently, the chaos unfolded during a performance of the song Jumping in Muddy Puddles. Well, that is a particularly riotous tune. One parent told the paper: “It was lovely to see the enthusiasm of the little ones but things could have turned ugly. Peppa sparked pandemonium. There were all sorts of electronics on the stage but fortunately everyone was safe.”

Phew. Apart from Peppa, whose personal welfare had clearly been violated. You could say staff made a pig’s ear of the whole affair.


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