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Diary: So you want to be a Rude Mechanical? It ain’t cheap

Shakespeare's Globe. Photo: John Wildgoose Shakespeare's Globe. Photo: John Wildgoose
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A press release caught Tabard’s eye immediately this week. “Learn how to insult like Shakespeare”, the subject screamed, and Tabard opened the email with a hand so excited it even trembled slightly. Who doesn’t want to know how to insult like Shakespeare?

Turns out the invite is part of a bigger evening planned at Shakespeare’s Globe, where participants will get more than just a lesson in being rude to others. Apparently the night consists of a tour of the theatre, followed by a private dining experience, at which audiences will be able to watch Shakespeare players re-enact “bitesize scenes” from some of his famous plays between courses.

Then comes the part everyone will be waiting for: the insults: “We will show you Shakespeare’s best arguments and the entire plot of Hamlet in less than 10 minutes,” the release states.

Tabard admits to being interested and so delved a little deeper into how much this might set one back. But dear reader, let me tell you, it ain’t cheap. How much, you ask? Well, £299 plus VAT apparently.

Three hundred quid to learn a few Shakespearean slights? That’s an insult. One bites one’s thumb at this offer. To quote the bard himself: “Away, you starveling, you elf-skin, you dried neat’s-tongue, bull’s-pizzle, you stock-fish.”

There you go. You can have that one for free.

tabard@thestage.co.uk

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