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Diary: Do-you-think-he-saurus? Jeff Goldblum statue stomps all over Sam Neill musical

A statue of Jurassic Park's Jeff Goldblum outside London Bridge

There was much excitement down at Tower Bridge in London this week, when a 25ft-tall, bare-chested statue of a Hollywood legend appeared – as if by magic – on a strip of grass beside the famous London landmark. The actor represented was Jeff Goldblum, he of films such as The Fly and Jurassic Park.

In fact, it was the latter that inspired the statue, which was made to mark 25 years since the original film came out. Lunchers were delighted to be able to eat their food in the presence of an A-lister, and wasted no time snapping pictures with the legend.

But a show about the film’s rival star, Kiwi actor turned winemaker, Sam Neill, soon cottoned on to the statue and issued a statement. The play, a dance musical called The Sam Neill Experience, said while it respected the creator’s right to “celebrate the third-most attractive Jurassic Park actor”, the timing led it to believe it could only be a “malicious attempt to divert attention away from our upcoming London stage production”. It added that this “bullying of emerging musical theatre artists should not be tolerated” – adding “musical theatre artists have been bullied enough”, thanks to high school – and said it should be removed immediately, or at least “given a cheap denim shirt and aviator sunglasses”.

It concluded with the observation that there has never been a dance musical about Goldblum. Which is true. Clearly all of this was in jest, but Tabard praises their efforts. And how, one wonders, just how do you make Sam Neill the subject of a dance musical?