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Dear West End Producer: ‘How do I get Spotlight to add table football to its skills list? Because I’m good. Thanks’

West End Producer West End Producer. Photo: Matt Crockett
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It is going to be hard. Those lovely people at Spotlight don’t like to be told what to do. They will welcome your suggestions, but it may take a while for the change to occur. Just like actors not being allowed to pay their yearly subscriptions in monthly payments. This should have happened ages ago to help actors afford their subscription, but, for some reason, it’s taking forever to be sorted. I hope they get it resolved this year, dear.

Anyhow, Spotlight is all about selling you as an actor. It is the thing that lists your credits, photos, and everything that makes you ‘you’. So yes, it should list all things that are considered skills – whether that is table football, belly dancing or eating pizza. Because, in the ridiculous world of entertainment, someone will be needed who has these important skills.

The first thing you need to do is give them a phone call describing your concern. If this doesn’t work, or you can’t speak to the right person, then send an email – saying how important it is that table football is on the skills section. Back up your plight with a video displaying your skills. If you don’t get a response, send a second email. Failing that, you should barricade yourself outside the Spotlight headquarters in Leicester Square, armed with your table, and challenge everyone to play. I for one will come down and have a game.

‘Nenda is not only highly skilled in the fine art of acting, but also in table football. Please do contact her regarding any table football-related roles’

In the meantime, you can write about your unique skill in the ‘currently appearing’ section: “Nenda is not only highly skilled in the fine art of acting, but also in table football. Please do contact her regarding any table football-related roles.”

Obviously you are highly skilled at table football, so make sure when it appears on the ‘skills’ section you label it so – but never say you are highly skilled at something when you aren’t. I once knew someone who said they were highly skilled at acting, which was a bit of a lie – but cleverly he married the head of the Royal Shakespeare Company so it didn’t matter anyway, dear.

Anything that involves good use of your hands and fingering skills is highly regarded in the theatre world. Table football requires brilliant and swift hand tactics – making you a prime candidate for supreme jazz hand displaying. I bet you are a natural, dear.

Next time you audition, whether the job requires table football skills or not, I suggest you take one in and challenge the panel to a game. Show them how good and confident you are by betting them a role in the show if you win. That sort of thing goes down really well in auditions, particularly at the National Theatre. They love a good game of anything involving balls, dear.

Seriously, though, if you hear of any roles requiring a specific skill you have, contact the director and casting director, detailing your experience. It is not always easy for casting directors to find actors with a certain skill, so by approaching them you are helping in their search – and you will usually be rewarded with an audition. Good luck, dear.

Tweet questions to your dear agony aunt @westendproducer

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