The Stage

TV review

Published Monday 22 February 2010 at 16:25 by Harry Venning

For an intense experience combining laughs, horror, fun, delight, disbelief, embarrassment and the occasional urge to vomit, look no further than Sky 1’s new documentary Pineapple Studios.

Set in and around Covent Garden’s illustrious dance studio - patronised by stars of stage and screen including Madonna, whose name was casually dropped every other minute - it is must-see television for anyone with an interest in the performing arts, or in simply observing grotesquely self-obsessed, ego maniacal show-offs in their natural habitat.

The studio was founded by ex-model Debbie Moore, whose story may be inspirational but whose personality is a bit on the demure side. Hence the programme’s undue haste in moving away from her and on to her more colourful staff. Characters like Andrew Stone who, when not teaching classes, is very busy sharing high opinions of himself and indulging in serious self-delusion around his career as, and I quote the captions, an “aspiring pop star”.

“There are some people who are in showbusiness,” opines Andrew, “and some people who are showbusiness. I am of the latter category.” This is one of many teeth-grindingly embarrassing quotes that Andrew fires off with machine gun rapidity, all free of any redeeming traces of irony.

However, Andrew is a shrinking violet compared to Pineapple’s artistic director Louie Spence. Louie is camp on a scale that can only be described as epic, an entertaining trait except that God forgot to give Louie an off button. Or one for volume, come to that.

But at least Louie is eminently fun and likeable. However, both Louie and Andrew share two things in common. The first is authenticity - you just know that neither are acting up to the cameras. The second is talent. When they eventually shut their mouths and dance it is very impressive.

Happy 25th birthday, EastEnders, which celebrated with an episode that was not only broadcast live, but promised to reveal the identity of Archie’s murderer.

Everything went swimmingly for about four minutes before Scott Maslen, as Jack Branning, forgot his lines. Heroically resisting the temptation to call prompt, Maslen gibbered on like a man who had recently suffered a blow to the head with a paddle, his eyes glinting with terror. “You’ve held the fact from the plap,” he told doe-eyed newlywed Bradley, in the frame for Archie’s murder. “You’ve held it against the public.”

Faced with such a damning indictment and pursued by the police, Bradley inexplicably chose to climb the highest building in Albert Square and run along its roof. It being 8.25pm in real time and very dark indeed, he was obscured by the night sky and we could only see his shoes. Next thing anyone knew, he fell head first into a puddle of strawberry jam on the pavement. He quite upstaged Ricky and Bianca’s wedding reception in the Queen Vic, but they’re both old hands in the Square and must have known a violent death would interrupt proceedings at some point.

Meanwhile, Dot Cotton and Ian Beale sat down to watch what was essentially a video compilation of old EastEnders episodes, which was far, far too postmodern for me to cope with.

PROGRAMMES

Pineapple Dance Studios Sky 1, Sunday, February 14, 6pm

EastEnders Live BBC1, Friday, February 19, 8pm