The Stage

Chit chat: Lapland dancing

Published Tuesday 15 December 2009 at 12:35 by Tabard

Still stranger, if that’s possible, is the news that Harriet Harman is to have her house besieged by four latex clad models and a Santa Claus this week.

They’re unhappy about the equality minister’s plans to reclassify burlesque, pole and lap dancing as “sex encounters”.

Dame Vivienne Westwood’s son Ben is leading the protest - as Santa - although quite why, we can’t fathom.

“Since when has a flash of nipple been a sex encounter?” he asks. “Titillation and fun must be completely devoid from the ‘Harperson’ household, so we are going to Ding Dong Merrily on High outside her south London home.”

Well, quite.

Anyway, Ben is unhappy because the lap dancing industry stands to lose 15,000 jobs if the reclassification takes place and Harman stops big business claiming back the tax on visits to such establishments.

It’s clearly a scandalous move - in fact, as Ben points out in a remarkably considered fashion, it’s just one step away from genocide.

“It’s worth remembering that all oppressive regimes throughout history have been sexually puritanical,” he adds. “Hitler campaigned on closing the ‘immoral and decadent’ Berlin made famous in the Liza Minnelli film Cabaret.”

Mmm. Ben, we see the point you’re making, but really?