The Stage

TV review

Published Monday 5 October 2009 at 15:50 by Harry Venning

Cor blimey. Who’s that with the ridiculous bleach blonde barnet propping up the bar of the Queen Vic? For once it’s not Barbara Windsor, but Boris Johnson, Mayor of London and Walford, making a very fleeting appearance in EastEnders.

With pop stars, stand-ups, French footballers and now politicians all having a go at acting, any actual actors still in work could be forgiven for giving up the ghost and leaving them all to it. But truth be told, Boris doesn’t offer much of a threat to the profession. Although he delivered his lines confidently enough, there weren’t many of them and he was gone in the blink of a mince pie. Anybody hoping to see his character embroiled in the gay Muslim storyline would have been sorely disappointed.

Cliff Richard once memorably lent Tony and Cherie Blair the use of his six-bedroom luxury mansion in Barbados, because he thought the then prime minister looked a bit tired on TV.

I can only imagine Piers Morgan was hoping to benefit from similar generosity as he shamelessly smarmed up to the singer in When Piers Met Sir Cliff.

I wasn’t expecting Frost/Nixon, but a small element of interrogation wouldn’t have gone amiss. However, beneath the Caribbean sun, Morgan’s already obsequious chat show technique melted into pure sycophancy and any pretence of a serious interview evaporated with it. At one point, he even stroked Sir Cliff’s left cheek (upper) to see how smooth the skin was.

To his credit, Sir Cliff looked suitably abashed, but remained scrupulously polite and, trouper he undoubtedly is, worked hard to provide an interesting interview. Well, somebody had to. Sir Cliff even shared some top tips on street fighting, gleaned as a victim of playground bullying when his family moved from India to England.

Personally, Sir Cliff, I can’t see the point of a high security-gated mansion if you then let Morgan in.

I like Charlie Brooker, I like Dara O’Briain and I like Graham Linehan. If those three can’t persuade me to take an interest in computer games, nobody can.

All three contributed to Gameswipe, a helpful guide to the computer game, with Brooker as host.

Brooker was his usual grumpy, caustic, brilliant self, but the subject matter just left me cold.

The show helpfully introduced the uninitiated to the various categories of game available - platform, shoot ‘em up, role play, combat - and provided a brief history of each. By far the best bits featured archive clips of anxious teachers, concerned parents and fretful community leaders getting all hot under the collar at the latest screen outrage, of which there have been many over the years.

But even with sumptuously realised and immaculately detailed graphics, the games under review appeared infantile and repetitive. Especially the modern shoot ‘em ups, which have somehow contrived to make the act of mass murder appear very dull indeed.

PROGRAMMES

EastEnders BBC1, Thursday, October 1, 7.30pm

When Piers Met Sir Cliff ITV1, Saturday, September 26, 9.15pm

Gameswipe BBC4, Tuesday, September 29, 10pm