TV review

Published Monday 10 March 2008 at 16:50 by Harry Venning

Enough is enough! Please, please, no more television programmes based around the production of television programmes. The very last straw has to be Rock Rivals, a show so lazy and uninspired that it is content to hijack all the characters and component parts of X Factor and simply recycle them as drama.

The only significant difference being that in Rock Rivals, the Simon Cowell and Sharon Osborne clones, Mal (Sean Gallagher) and Karina (Michelle Collins), are presented as a married couple.

Dealing in imitation goods brings with it certain inevitable drawbacks, most notably comparison with the original. And what becomes immediately apparent is that the fictional Cowell and Osborne are nowhere near as flamboyant, fun or ferociously charismatic as the real thing.

Neither are their caustic comments and put downs as vitriolic or imaginative. Cowell wouldn’t bother to get out of bed to call a hapless contestant ” a lump”. Indeed, given that most of the feuds and fights on the X Factor judging panel are pure play acting anyway, you can’t help but wonder what the point of Rock Rivals is at all.

The plot, such as it is, follows the disintegration of Mal and Karina Faith’s marriage following the broadcast of his infidelity over the studio PA system. The pair embark upon some minor tit for tat exchanges, which escalates into her driving his prized Ferrari into the swimming pool, which we didn’t actually see happen, swizz! With the battle lines well and truly drawn they deploy their respective proteges, pretty boy Luke and aforementioned lump Bethany, as weapons against each other.

I have long been a fan of Michelle Collins, but Rock Rivals doesn’t do her any favours, and for all her on-screen histrionics she never really convinces as Karina. Sean Gallagher as Mal doesn’t fare much better, but at least manages to find some humour in the role.

Last Orders was part of the BBC’s White season, and a sloppier piece of documentary making I haven’t seen in a long time.

Ostensibly the programme followed the declining fortunes of Wibsey Working Men’s Club near Bradford, but director Henry Singer seemed far more interested in capturing a real-life white racist on film, much in the same way David Attenborough used to go after snow leopards. This culminated in a quite shameful interview with some bonehead sat in front of a swastika daubed Union Jack, whose poisonous rantings were allowed to go unchallenged or even placed in context. The connection? His dad is a member of Wibsey Working Mens Club.

As the recent riots have shown, there is no shortage of racial tension in Bradford, quite apart from a multitude of other social and economic problems, but the one thing the Muslim community cannot possibly be blamed for is the slow death of Wibsey Working Men’s club. Cheaper beer elsewhere, the smoking ban and a sea change in the nature of live entertainment are far more likely causes, compounded by the club committee’s inability and unwillingness to embrace the drastic changes necessary to stop the rot. The film should have stuck with the club, its committee, its characters and its conflicts - all of which made for poignant and compelling viewing - rather than scuttling off after the sensational.

DETAILS

Rock Rivals - ITV1, Wednesday March 5, 9pm

Last Orders - BBC2, Friday March 7, 9pm