TV review

Published Monday 19 February 2007 at 16:20 by Harry Venning

Just how brilliant is Primeval? OK, not that brilliant, but the special effects are and that’s all that really matters. Episode one conjured up some seriously impressive computer-generated dinosaurs - plus one notable and disappointing exception, which was more in the tradition of Rod Hull and Emu than Jurassic Park - and sent them off to wreak havoc in the modern world.

Dispensing with the usual sci-fi monster movie formality of building tension through teasing half-glimpses and movements in the shadows, Primeval waited barely a minute before showing off a seriously angry Gorgonopsid rampaging through an Asda car park, possibly enraged because it couldn’t find a trolley that worked properly.

Wouldn’t you know it, the dinosaur and several of its mates have come through a hole in the space/time continuum which, to paraphrase the old Two Ronnies joke, a team of scientists are looking into.

Primeval is fast, furious and great fun, and would be a worthy contender to Doctor Who’s crown if only the human beings involved weren’t so dull and unoriginal. Indeed, the characters that comprise Dr Cutter’s “team” have been borrowed wholesale from the sixties sci-fi classic Land of the Giants. We have mature but sexy alpha male Dr Cutter, his hunky but hot-headed male second-in-command, a pretty but prissy long-haired young woman, a pretty but tomboyish short-haired young woman and a cowardly buffoon to provide comic relief. Pretty But Prissy even does falling over, screaming and needing to be rescued by a man, just like her Land Of The Giants predecessor. Basically there is nothing wrong with Primeval that a few well placed bites from a hungry Gorgonopsid couldn’t put right.

At which point I should like to share some dialogue which is so barmy as to be precious. Dr Cutter, searching for his long lost wife, unearths a dusty skull and some ribcage, cleaned of all flesh. “Is that her?” asks Cutter’s soldier companion. Cutter doesn’t actually reply, “No, my wife was a bit fatter,” but he should have done.

The Abbey is set in a downmarket rehab clinic for D-list celebrities, presided over by Morwenna Banks’ ex-alcoholic, ex-junkie, ex-rock star. It is by far the most infuriating sitcom that I have seen in ages.

Much of The Abbey is very good indeed. The basic premise is original and promising, there is a underlying melancholy that provides depth, the script contains several surprises and many of the performances are terrific. But the show just isn’t funny enough, with most of the jokes either predictable, crude or lazy. It seems to me like a show three rewrites short of success.

Fortune: Million Pound Giveaway, the televised begging show, introduced a whole new variation on traditional theatre funding with a community drama company from Camden persuading Lord Archer and his fellow millionaire panellists to invest in their latest production.

DETAILS

Primeval - ITV1, Saturday, February 10, 7.45pm

The Abbey - ITV1, Wednesday, February 14, 10pm

Fortune: Million Pound Giveaway - ITV1, Tuesday, February 13, 8pm