The Stage

TV review

Published Tuesday 21 November 2006 at 09:35 by Harry Venning

“Suranne Jones plays a sexual therapist revealing all manner of saucy secrets and not just those of her clients! With scenes of a sexual nature and those showing the aftermath of violence, plus nudity and strong language”, helpfully announced ITV prior to Strictly Confidential. The trail was so long and comprehensive that it effectively saved busy viewers the trouble of having to sit through the programme.

Kay Mellor’s latest drama promises to be a guilty pleasure, combining soap opera and soft porn to irresistible effect.

It may be daft, implausible and predictable but it is also fast moving, cleverly crafted, well acted and populated by characters who, if not exactly weighed down with complexity, were interesting enough to hold the attention.

Burning questions at the end of episode one included; will Tiffany’s mum stop interfering in her marriage? Was Claudine murdered? If Clare’s brother-in-law does donate his sperm, will it be by unartificial insemination?

“Is it good television to watch Jan Leeming cry with fear?” wept Jan Leeming, on I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here. The public had just nominated Jan for her third Bush Tucker Trial, in recognition of her overbearing behaviour, irritating manner, whining voice and endless torrent of self pitying tears.

Jan is getting on the nerves of her fellow celebrity jungle dwellers and therefore invaluable to the series. Without conflict I’m A Celebrity is just 24-hour coverage of a glorified camping trip, a point the voting public have consistently failed to grasp. Infuriating, obnoxious or just plain interesting contestants are always the first to be ejected and following this rule I fear Jan’s days are numbered. Which just leaves David Gest to add the necessary spice of strife.

Jason Donovan is clear favourite to win. Unless he goes berserk, butchers his fellow campers and eats their flesh live on TV, the competition is his for the taking. Even then it would depend entirely on which fellow campers he chose to eat.

Jason is charming, affable, self effacing, quietly heroic and - a bit of a cheat, this - actually famous. He even sang to himself whilst showered by maggots, cockroaches, muck, spiders and slugs. He may have been less jolly had he known it was all being filmed from above, cruelly revealing the full extent of his bald patch. Not as severe as David Gest’s bald patch, however, which can be seen from outer space.

Staying on the subject of outer space, BBC4’s The Martians and Us is a splendid documentary about the story of science fiction, with contributions from such luminaries as Brian Aldiss, Arthur C Clarke, Doris Lessing and the writer of the Quatermass series Nigel Kneale.

HG Wells pretty much invented science fiction single handed and every story since has just been a variation on his themes of time travel, space travel, invisibility and alien invasion. I was reassured to hear that his actual grasp of science was as shaky as my own and heartily approved of the cavalier way he destroyed entire swathes of the Home Counties in War Of The Worlds.

DETAILS

Strictly Confidential - ITV1, Thursday, November 16, 9pm

I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here - ITV1, daily

The Martians and Us - BBC4, Monday, November 20, 9pm