TV review

Published Monday 19 June 2006 at 15:55 by Harry Venning

The Play’s the Thing is yet another variation on the TV talent quest, with West End producer Sonia Friedman searching for a new work from an amateur playwright to stage in the West End.

I did not like this programme. Were it a West End play I would have pelted it with rotten vegetables or, better still, followed the example of the more disgruntled 18th century audience and burnt the theatre to the ground. It was a dud, a bomb, a stinker, a howler, a turkey. Feel free to add your own theatrical adjectives.

Where to start? How about the title? Quite apart from oozing with luvvie pomposity, it was also entirely inaccurate. The play was not the thing, Sonia Friedman was the thing. The whole programme was an exercise in self-promotion and power-tripping from someone whose ego clearly cannot be contained backstage any longer.

Unfortunately for Sonia she had to share her moment in the spotlight with co-judge Mel Kenyon who, as a literary agent, has also suffered media attention deprivation syndrome. The pair huffed and raged, sulked and stropped, and generally wrestled for the attention of the camera. The third judge, actor Neal Pearson, was quite composed and contemplative in comparison.

The aspiring playwrights were largely appreciative of the panels’ comments and grateful for the exposure. But boy, they were made to pay for it. Apart from playing support act to the judging panel, the shortlisted writers had to endure a cheap variation upon the famous chorus line selection process to see if their submissions were successful. Summoned to the Ambassador’s Theatre, the writers’ names were called out and they were told to either go up the stairs to the Circle Bar, or down the stairs to the stalls.

Up the stairs they were met with hugs and congratulations, down the stairs they were consoled and patronised by Pearson, who advised them to develop a thick skin if they wanted to work in the theatre. Had I been one of the unsuccessful candidates I think I would have been sorely tempted to fetch a sharp instrument and discover for myself just how thick Pearson’s skin actually is.

Like I said, I did not like this programme.

I preferred the honesty and humour of The Singing Estate, with conductor Ivor Setterfield trying to recruit a choir from Oxford’s Blackbird Leys community.

The Royal Albert Hall is already booked for their performance of Hit Me With A Banana, as one choir member misheard Carmena Burana. “It’s the Old Spice music,” another choir member helpfully explained.

I also heartily recommend Drop Dead Gorgeous, a charming, intelligent, bittersweet comedy drama exploring celebrity, and the strain it places on family dynamics. The characters are convincing, the script is great and the young cast astounding.

While buying size 9 shoes in a Runcorn shopping centre, ugly duckling schoolgirl Ashley is talent spotted by a modelling agency. “Who saw you first?” asks Mikey, her ten-year-old brother. “The talent scout or his guide dog?” Expect tears and tantrums to follow, especially from Ashley’s star-struck mum.

DETAILS

The Play’s the Thing - C4, 10pm, Monday, June 12

The Singing Estate - Five, 8pm, Sunday, June 11

Drop Dead Gorgeous - BBC3, 10pm, Sunday, June 11