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How To Guides

Be a Showbiz Parent

by John Byrne
November 2004

John Byrne is a showbusiness life coach, the author of several bestselling career guides for performers and writers and a regular broadcaster on TV and radio.

How not to be a pushy parent

If the theme of this series was ''How NOT to'' rather than ''How to'' this section would obviously be titled ''How not to be a Stage Mum or Dad''.

As with the ''luvvie'', the Stage Parent stereotype is part of popular culture-domineering, pushy, living their own fantasies out through their reluctant offspring.

So the first step in effectively supporting your child is to ask yourself some hard questions: is this sincerely what the child wants, or do you have your own frustrated ambitions to be in the spotlight bubbling somewhere deep down. If you do, both you and your child would be far better off if you invest your time and money in your own career, because your child's showbusiness career will involve a lot of commitment from both of you, and as with any other branch of the business, there are always less ''big breaks'' then there are talented children looking for them.

You need to be honest about whether money is your motivation also - a starring role in a Harry Potter movie will certainly bring in a lot more than pocket money, but the general run of jobs that young performers do tends to supplement rather than replace family income.

If your child really does enjoy performing and you really do want to do your best for them (and that is certainly true for most of the Dear John queries received) the key factors involved are support, encouragement and protection, qualities which every parent should aim to provide, whether they have previous showbusiness experience or none.

Support

The best way to support your child or teenager is to take an interest in what they are doing, but allow them to develop at their own pace. By their nature young people are generally very interested in anything their peers are interested in - and those interests can change from week to week. If your child suddenly becomes obsessed with practising vocal harmonies and dance steps, it could be because they have discovered their life's purpose...or it could just be that one of the Pop Idol style shows is popular at present. You don't want to invest in expensive drama tuition or professional musical instruments only to discover that in ten days time they have moved on to obsession with football or tennis. So the first step is to observe.

Even if the child's interest is more long term and genuine, it can take some time to find the right class or instrument for them. Take full advantage of any trial offers and with larger instruments, see if you can rent them until it is really clear that the child wishes to persevere with lessons.

When it comes to the later years and full time drama school is on the agenda, you may be looking at a sizable investment, so you'll want to be sure your child has acquired that habit of making full use of facilities and teaching on offer.

Encouragement

While ''pushy'' is bad, encouraging your child in whatever branch of showbusiness they dream about entering is always good. This applies even if you are not very keen on the idea of them pursuing a performing lifestyle (and even if you privately believe they may not have what it takes to succeed). Stiff parental opposition can often have the opposite effect to what is intended. If you are generally encouraging, however there is far more chance of your continuing to have a say in your child's choices, and even of your concerns and reservations being listened to.

As you move through the audition/talent show cycle it is even more important to be encouraging. Every career has it's downs as well as ups. But make sure your child knows that your encouragement and affection is not conditional on how well they perform. This probably isn't the case (if it is go back to the top of this piece and check yourself out again) but it is such an important point that it is worth saying it out loud to your child every so often. If your child does start to do well in the business, and starts to get recognition from, say, TV work make sure you give equal recognition to any siblings who are involved in less ''glamourous'' activities. Not only will this prevent strife in the family in general it will help your performing child stay grounded.

Protection

Any reputable teacher, production company, photographer or other outside party who gets involved in your child's career will be perfectly happy for you to be closely involved too. Obviously if they really are reputable and experienced, you may well be involved, but it also makes sense to take a back seat and allow your child to have the benefit of their expertise. If your child is involved in a production for which you can't always be present, such as a movie production, there should normally be professional chaperones on hand.

In terms of protecting your child's professional interests, a good agent can make all the difference. The How To Find an Agent advice for adults is equally relevant to children. However you will probably want to look for an agent that specialises in young performers. The general principle that you should be wary of any agent who makes exaggerated promises and asks for large amounts of money up front applies particularly in this situation. Starry eyed youngsters and well meaning parents are a fertile field for scam merchants.

Even if your child doesn't make it to the big time or even into the chorus of the local panto, don't feel your support has been wasted -drama and performance training are great for building confidence, communication and social skills and can have great benefits whatever your child's final career path.

So by all means enjoy putting your son and daugther on the stage, and if you see Mrs Worthington tell her that you and she can find some further useful resources below.

Book:
Modelling and Acting for Kids by Janice Hally, published by A&C Black

Parent Coaching:
Lorraine Thomas is Britain's top parent coach-helping you to help your child in showbusiness or any other aspect of life.

Career Plan:
Although I don't normally work individually with under 18s, in response to numerous requests, I do a limited number of once off sessions each year to help aspiring youngsters and their parents make a career/training/plan. More information can be found on my website.

Links:

Not A Pushy Mum - an informative website for parents of performing children

Clever Clogs Music Ltd - advice from professional musicians specialising in vocal and musical support for children, schools and entire choirs.

Dear John question