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Dear John

I'm a singer who's been asked to compere a wedding. Help!

First published 18th May 2006

Question:
My best friend has asked me to be the compere at her wedding. It's a big society do - full church service and then a marquee full of guests. I'm a singer, not a comedian, let alone a preacher, and most of the guests are bigger stars than me. Help!

Answer:
As someone who has worked on big theatre shows and live television productions with reasonable calm but needs a full complement of in-laws to help with even the most basic family party, I'm very familiar with that gulf between our professional confidence and the more shaky ground we stand on when we have to work with people who know what we're like when the spotlight is off. I think most of us do our best to avoid those two worlds crossing over - I know several performers who can happily keep a stadium full of people entertained but whose greatest nightmare is having to perform in front of family or friends.

Just as you would with any job, formal or informal it's always wise to weigh up the pros and cons before you say yes or no. This is a chance to stretch yourself and if the event goes well and you enjoy it, could even lead to more work. Don't let the 'wedding singer' tag put you off - many big names would take a private function over a 'name above the title' gig any day of the week. On the other hand if you really feel the event is bigger than you can handle, your friend may be disappointed if you say no but less so than if you say yes and then go to pieces on the day.

It sounds to me like you're willing to go for it though, so here are tips from two people who know a lot about how to make weddings turn out happily ever after.

Rev Joe Davis

Reverend Joe Davis is a Baptist minister at a London church which includes several performers among the congregation. He is also an experienced host and compere in his own right, for both spiritual and non-spiritual events. Having recently auctioned himself on eBay for charity, it is fair to say that he is not adverse to the a bit of showbusiness razamatazz.

"Having done quite a few weddings over the years, I have noticed that the entertainers are sometimes more nervous than the bride and groom, especially if they haven't seen the inside of a church for some time. From my point of view, I think preaching and performing are very similar in the sense that what works is being yourself rather than trying to be something you're not.

"When I'm hosting a service I see my primary role as making sure everyone feels welcome, so the more at ease I am the more at ease the guests will be. If you're involved in the church part of the event, make sure to attend the rehearsal if there is one and even if there isn't, make sure you have a chat with the vicar or whoever's doing the ceremony to work out which of you is doing what.

"Being yourself means using whatever gifts God has given you - so don't feel you have to sound all pious just because you're in a church, and equally don't feel you have to do 20 minutes of stand-up comedy if what you're actually good at is singing. Oh, and if the minister tells a joke, laugh loudly whether it's funny or not - your reward will be in heaven."

Julie Payne

Julie Payne is the co-author (with yours truly) of A Singer's Guide to Getting Work and is one of the hardest-working singers in the business, with a CV that includes everything from Top of the Pops to touring Europe with the Blues Brothers show. However it is Julie's compering skills which ensure that, whenever I try to catch her for advice on queries like this, she's likely to be "just popping over to Russia to do a wedding this weekend" or somewhere even further afield.

"I agree with Reverend Joe - the key to being a good compere, especially at an event like a wedding is to be yourself. It's also to realise that even if you are performing as well as compering, your primary job is not to show off how good you are, it's to make sure everyone else onstage or off has a good time. This might be tough on the ego but actually I find it takes the pressure off.

"I've compered some rough crowds so I can be sharp when I need to be. However, at a wedding the crowd may be rowdy and even boozy but in general they should be good natured and as keen as you for things to go well. If you do need to deal with heckling, keep your responses very good natured - that obnoxious drunk might just be the groom's brother. If possible I try to bring a friend with me to wedding gigs to act as my personal 'bridesmaid' or 'best man' and sort out any backstage hassles so I can concentrate on my job.

"In general, act like you know what you're doing and most people will believe you - including yourself. Know what's supposed to be happening and when but be prepared for the schedule to change at any moment.

"If there are other professional acts performing at the reception, do what you can to give them an equally good introduction whether they are A-listers or people you have never heard of. If the tipsy uncles and aunties get up to do their party pieces, remember that it's your introduction and whatever you say after they've been on is what will make them entertaining regardless of the quality of the actual performance.

"If you need to get someone off early do it kindly but make sure you always keep a mic for yourself and that you have worked out with the sound person or DJ your signals for when you need the show to move on.

"Lastly, you, too, should know when to leave people wanting more. By their nature, wedding receptions always run over time, and as they do, the organised entertainment becomes less important than the social occasion. Make sure you have more than enough material to get you through the show but don't feel you have to do it all if disco time is beckoning.

"Equally, keep a few emergency songs in reserve in case the couple lose their going-away clothes, have a row, or there's some other major hold up in the proceedings. Numbers where everyone can join in can be lifesavers in these situations.

"Oh and even if is a friend's wedding, make sure you have some business cards to hand out if you're asked - you'd be surprised how much future work doing one of these events can lead to. And of course if you happen to meet your own future partner there, I've still got a few free weekends in next year's diary."

John sums up

I was going to close with some suitably romantic comment but I'm afraid I couldn't end this piece without a more practical one, which applies to any event performers are asked to do by friends and family members. It's to remind you that what you do is a job, so even if you choose to do it as a 'gift', you should approach it like it's a paid job with all the professionalism that suggests. Equally, you also need to make the people you are 'working' for aware that it is your job and if at all possible get very clear agreements on what you are being asked to do, for how long and what expenses will be involved.

It sounds terribly clinical, but failing to be clear on the practicalities of 'favours' in the way that we would (I hope) if it were a simple paid work arrangement is one of the major causes of grief, broken friendships and showbusiness feuds, some of which have lasted so long it would stretch even Reverend Joe's ministry skills to sort out.

* Julie's guide to being a working singer is available in the 'How To' section

* Reverend Joe can be contacted at www.church.co.uk

* Feedback/queries are welcome to dearjohn@thestage.co.uk

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