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Dear John

Am I too old to progress my career further?

First published 24th November 2005

Question:
I think I'm pretty well known and hopefully even respected by other people in the business and, as I've also done some TV work, I even get occasionally recognised in the street - at least whenever they show the repeats. I certainly seem to be one of the first people friends and relations send their mates and offspring to for advice on how to make a living as a performer.

And that's my issue - often as I'm sitting there doling out advice on what to do and what not to do, I'm secretly thinking, 'if you really knew how messed up my life was, I'd be the last person you'd ask advice from'. You see, the truth is that, after my several decades of giving my all to the business, I may have a lot more productions on my CV but I feel I'm no closer to achieving my dream than I was when I started out.

Although it's been a busy year, most of the work which came in has been low key and low paid, so I'm facing Christmas yet again wondering if I can meet all the bills and provide festive cheer for the family. I'm sure they're wondering too, though I try my best to hide my concerns. More to the point, having passed the dreaded 40th birthday a year or two ago, it feels like any hope of being 'discovered' which might have spurred me on in the past is fading away.

I'm seriously wondering whether I should chuck in the business and retrain to do something else. I love performing but I'm tired of living hand to mouth while others experience seemingly instant success. Am I suffering from depression or just the winter blues and am I mad for carrying on or just sad for not growing up?

Answer:
Well, if you're mad or sad, you are part of a very big community of mad and sad people. I'm pretty certain that many of us reading your letter will recognise the feelings you describe, whether they are occasional visitors to our own lives and careers or have taken up permanant residence.

Whether it's a traditional panto, an A-list movie premiere, a gritty docudrama or the latest hip hop record by one of the many 'gangstas' who have never been near a real ghetto in their entire middle-class lives, to a certain degree most of us in showbusiness are involved in the art of creating fantasy and illusion.

And the reason that illusions are attractive to our audiences seems to be that there is a part of all us only to ready to buy into the fantasy. However, we are just as prone to buy into fantasy as anyone else - and in particular the fantasy that everyone else has it together while we are putting up a front.

Since we usually only see the 'backstage' of our own lives, it's an easy assumption to make. The one big personal benefit I've drawn from my own coaching and advisory work with performers at every level is the learning that no matter what a person's level of success, there are always elements of our lives we are disatisfied with. But don't worry - knowing that doesn't stop me having blue days either, and dark, chilly Novembers are a perfect environment for them to flourish.

The element that makes down days worse for us performer types is, as you point out, we have to pretend we're Mr or Mrs Positive when we are feeling exactly the opposite. Or at least we feel we have to. Most of us know that behind the glamour, this can be one of the loneliest businesses in the world.

What surprises me is that there are still many of us who are too proud - or perhaps too scared - to share our real concerns with someone who might be able to help, even if that help is just by listening. Organisations like the Samaritans on 0845 790 9090 or Saneline on 0845 767 8000 are not only there for other people. If you don't have or don't want to share your concerns with friends or family and are feeling alone, I heartily recommend you avail of the free helplines.

You'll also find lots of good advice both on surviving the ups and downs of the business and on writing up your CV if you do decide to diversify on The Stage's own website. I'm not saying life will instantly become easier and if you have concerns about depression, you should seek medical advice - but being in a place of worry is not the best time to consider major career or life changes, so seek help and deal with the feelings first.

Remember the many performers who spent their entire careers becoming overnight successes, such as the late Nigel Hawthorne. With that in mind, I'll be doing some career plan workshops in the new year (booking line Tel: 020 7231 4907). Whether or not you join us, I hope 2006 is a lot brighter for you.