Was wondering, only the other day, what had become of some of those cheeky chappies from the BBC series Any Dream Will Do. Everyone knows Lee Mead won the role of Joseph – and, indeed, a wife in the form of Denise Van Outen – but what of the others? Did they all return to jobs at the likes of Butlins and cry into their loincloths?

Well, right on cue, an article was passed Tabard’s way about Craig Chalmers, no less, one of the aforementioned runners-up on the series. Turns out he had been due to appear in panto in Scotland, playing Prince Charming in Cinderella. But all hell broke loose when it emerged the would-be prince had been revealing his crown jewels in adult videos.

Tabard’s jaw nearly hit the floor. Outrageous. Apparently, he had been appearing in these X-rated films under a different name, but an eagle-eyed member of the public – who had clearly been scrutinising these dirty videos – reported Craig to the theatre, and he was subsequently dropped from the panto. Oh no, he wasn’t. Oh yes, he was.

Poor Craig. A spokesman for the Alhambra Theatre said the venue was disappointed he had not told them, and that he would never have been cast had they known. Shame. Think of the fun audience members could have had with the line “he’s behind you”.